I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
