For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
