I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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