Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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