I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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