I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
worst night to have a conscience
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
