Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
