i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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