yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
