I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
