I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
