1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
