my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
