This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
