I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
