yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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