So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Randomize
