Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
