i permit you to call me
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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