my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
