im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
