These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
