Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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