Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
