508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
