my vag is so smooth its legendary
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The Olympian is in my bed
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
