i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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