so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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