the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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