I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
you're hired as official boob wrangler
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
