We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
