I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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