He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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