I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
