Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
i believe in u and ur pee
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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