Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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