12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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