i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
