Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
