dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
