I think im going to throw up on grandma
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
