they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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