I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
