Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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