So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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