You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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