I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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