she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
