I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you win again, gameday.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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