im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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