3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
